from 1 to 3

Though I entered motherhood unexpectedly, during those 9 months of freaking out and wondering how on earth I could raise a kid without losing him or her, I reached a few conclusions.

I would give myself fully to my kids.  The very best I could do.  100%.  They would eat their veggies.  They would be polite.  They wouldn’t watch TV often…

For a long time, that’s exactly what I did.  Hannah didn’t watch TV until well into her second year of life.  I taught her Spanish and she could count fluently from 1 to 10 in both English and Spanish before she was 2.  I thought I was awesome.

Then Jayden came.  He was pretty well convinced that sleep was an “if I get around to it” kind of thing.  He moved.  A lot.  He wouldn’t do anything I tried to get him to do.  My dream started slipping.

To top it all off, a few months before he turned 2, I found myself unable to walk.  Which kind of gets in the way of being a fully present, 100% ANYTHING…especially when that thing is mom to 2 energetic kids who are 4 and under…  Movies were MY BEST FRIEND.  I started to invent games that centered around mommy laying down on the couch.

But, after a few months, some strong pills and a WHOLE lot of work, I started to feel like soon I might emerge from my Disney/Elmo parenting my children hiatus and engage once again.  I had plans…

And then a little boy started growing within my frail/failing body.  My body fought back.  But this little man fought harder and was born nearly 2 years ago.

These days?  My littlest man barely speaks ENGLISH and he is 2 months away from being 2.  His love language is hitting and so far he is happy to share all that love with ANYONE.  Boy or girl…  And truthfully, you could not pay me enough to take him with me to the grocery store.  EVER.

Those perfectly behaved children who have a fully present mom?  That dream is gone.

It probably got flushed down the toilet when my middle man put his head in the toilet…right after he peed.  (True story.  Even better?  The story of how I found out why his hair was wet right before we went to pick up Sis from school…)

But this is better.  I realize people may look in horror upon some of the events that currently characterize my every day life.  But I’m starting to love it.  This spunky – we SOOOOOOO don’t have it all together, my kids have dance parties EVERYWHERE kind of life.

I’m starting to soften.  To realize what’s important and what’s not.

Which leads me to today…

Yep…in case you didn’t fully see it…that’s my little man with his brother’s undies on over his pants.  It’s his tribute to Quail Man, of course…  (Please ignore the chunks of apple.  Or not.  Either way)


For months he has carried a pair of Thomas undies around every morning.  Today, he tried to put them on.  After a few hours I helped.  He then refused to take them off.  So yes, my child was the one playing outside in the yard with Thomas Underwear over top of his clothes.  The sweet neighborhood kid who came over didn’t even seem to notice.

Welcome to my new way of life.  And to dreams that are starting to get better.


  1. caitlyn says:

    I love this. Especially the part about hitting being your sons love language. . . I laughed out loud with my head tossed back (well, more like pulled back by my pony tail. . . 2 year olds. . . )!

  2. Laura says:

    As I sit here trying to work on homework, and as I listen to music, YOU came to mind. I started catching up on your blog (yes, I love procrastination sometimes), and I have to say, this made me smile (the honesty and transparency in which you write), but it also made me laugh (that little man of yours is too cute).

    Thanks for sharing your life with others!

    On another note, playing right now is Mandi Mapes/The Church At Brook Hills “So Long, Familiar”, which honestly doesn’t make me think of YOU specifically, but it does make me think of some of your blogs in the past… and just folks I know (including myself at certain points of life) where expectation, or a certain plan died as life didn’t quite turn out ideally, therefore hope became lost… and in the midst of that time realizing trusting God is all I/they/we can do – and oh how great it is to TRUST the ONE who is in CONTROL!

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